


Inadequate Silences

by pixiedustatsundown



Series: Sapphic September 2019 [17]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Break Up, F/F, Sapphic September, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 15:49:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20677928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixiedustatsundown/pseuds/pixiedustatsundown
Summary: “So I decided to leave you and run away with her.” Hermione is still bent over her book, not giving any indication that she heard a word that Pansy said, just like the last 20 minutes. Pansy sighs. She didn’t expect much from their ‘Library-Date’ but is it really too much to ask that her girlfriend at leastlooksat her ever once in a while?“That’s great, love.” Enough is enough, Pansy has gritted her teeth long enough and told herself that education isimportant, that Hermioneenjoysstudying and that it wouldn’t be fair to ask her to give it up. But this is a new low. Pansy is used to cancelled dates, accepted that Hermione doesn’t feel comfortable telling anyone and that she can’t kiss her girlfriend in public, but this was supposed to make up for it, supposed to behertime.





	Inadequate Silences

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the prompt "I want this." by [OTPshipper98](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OTPshipper98)

“So I decided to leave you and run away with her.” Hermione is still bent over her book, not giving any indication that she heard a word that Pansy said, just like the last 20 minutes. Pansy sighs. She didn’t expect much from their ‘Library-Date’ but is it really too much to ask that her girlfriend at least _looks_ at her ever once in a while? 

“That’s great, love.” Enough is enough, Pansy has gritted her teeth long enough and told herself that education is _important_, that Hermione _enjoys_ studying and that it wouldn’t be fair to ask her to give it up. But this is a new low. Pansy is used to cancelled dates, accepted that Hermione doesn’t feel comfortable telling anyone and that she can’t kiss her girlfriend in public, but this was supposed to make up for it, supposed to be _her_ time. 

Pansy was so excited when Hermione told her, agonised over what to wear and made a list of what she wanted to do and talk about, but Hermione is almost oblivious to her presence. And Pansy doesn’t want to beg for scraps anymore, doesn’t want to wait around until Hermione has a second to spare for her. Pansy likes her, enjoys spending time with her and honestly thought they could have built something great. But not like this. 

Hurt and annoyed Pansy slams her own book shut, intend on getting up as loudly as possible so Hermione would at least notice her leaving, when Hermione suddenly looks up, actually _looks_ at her. Pansy sits still, savouring the moment and mourning what they could have had and that she would never get to experience. 

She might as well do this right. 

“I am going to leave now, and unless you actually want this, I am not coming back.” Hermione frowns at her, as if Pansy didn’t just pour out her heart to her, or as close as she is likely to get right now anyway. She doesn’t know what she expected, but it certainly wasn’t for Hermione to dumbly stare at her. 

“I want this, of course I do.” Yes, _of course _she does. Really, how could Pansy not have realised this when Hermione spends all her time buried in books and refusing to even smile at her when someone might see. _Of course_ she wants this. Pansy should have left sooner, she doesn’t know how she allowed this for so long, how she let herself be treated like this for so long. 

“Maybe you should reconsider your priorities then, because _this, _what we have been doing, I don’t want that anymore. Have fun with your books.” And then Pansy leaves, because if she doesn’t leave now she will stay another month and maybe one more after that. And she can’t do that anymore. She can’t keep watching from the sidelines, hoping against hope that Hermione has ten minutes in her busy schedule put aside for her, compromising what she wants to make someone else comfortable, someone who doesn’t give back nearly enough. 

Pansy will miss her, the stolen little moments, the fond exasperation, the way her hair clings to her fingers and that small smile that was reserved only for her. But in the end, Pansy can’t live of only those little specks of colours, splatter over a long time of waiting in the shadows. 

Pansy walks out, holding her head high in the grim satisfaction that Hermione will be staring after her. Hopefully she realises what she just lost. Hopefully she is miserable. 

Despite this, Pansy can’t stop a last look back. Hermione is staring after her, biting her lip and a frown on her face. Pansy knows that expression well, it means Hermione doesn’t understand something. But there is something else too, something conflicted, scared. Meeting her eyes, Pansy thinks it might not be over after all, that all is not lost yet. It’s Hermione’s move next, her who decides what their future looks like. Pansy did her part. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated!  
If you liked this story you can [reblog it on Tumblr](https://pixiedustatsundown.tumblr.com/post/187781389603/inadequate-silences)


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